Let me start this article by citing a quote from Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC, “lirting is fine if you’re not in any kind of relationship, the same goes for the person you’re flirting with, but if you’re married, or in a serious relationship, flirting with someone else is wrong.”
It’s very difficult to get through after finding out that your soul mate has cheated on you. “If your love interest is flirting with other people, it may not be ‘cheating’ but you don’t have to like it either,” says Nicole Richardson, LPC, LMFT. Infidelity is a very sensitive subject and unfortunately, the numbers are increasing. If you have been cheated on or your partner is cheating on you, there is still a chance that your marriage can survive. It will take a bit of time to heal, but it is possible. Many successful marriages have survived infidelity and many couples are celebrating years and years of a happy married life.
You’re probably wondering what the reason was, and why it led your partner to cheat. There’s actually no straightforward answer to that. That’s something only your partner can answer. Some people may not even have an answer on as to why they have cheated, unbelievably.
Seek Couples Counseling
According to Dr. Natalie Jones, LPCC, “Make a decision about your relationship.” There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of here. Many couples feel embarrassed about getting therapy, which leaves them with unresolved issues. A professional can help you resolve your issues and help you speak to each other about things both of you might have kept bottled up for whatever reasons you’ve had.
Talk to Your Partner About Your Feelings
Anyone who has been cheated on will obviously have questions. Talk to your partner about it. Ask them what made them do what they did. Ask them if they’d like to make a change and express your feelings about the betrayal. It’s good to get these feelings off your chest than to keep them bottled up. Avoid bringing up the affair in every conversation. This will not help with rebuilding your relationship and definitely not help you with healing.
Work on Building Trust with Your Partner
Both partners will need to work on this. The partner that has cheated will, of course, need to put on the extra effort to make the marriage work. But you also need to work on building trust for your partner, seek the help of a therapist to help you with this. Ask your partner to be 100% honest with you.
Request Your Partner to Cut Off Their Ties with The Person Whom They Have Been Having an Affair with
The only way the person that has been cheated on can build trust and heal is once their partner has severed all ties with the person that they’ve been having an affair with. After all, you have forgiven them and you are willing to make your marriage work, so they need to also put in some effort.
Take Some Off for Yourself, Away…
If you really need some time to heal and need to take some time out before working on your marriage, then it’s best to take the time. Spend some quality time with yourself. Spoil yourself and use this time to do soul-searching. Do things that you enjoy to occupy yourself, focus on your career and kids etc.
Plan a Trip Together or A Date
Once you have healed, taken enough time to think and forgiven your partner; it’s time to rekindle your romance and work on your marriage. Spend some time together, just the two of you. Plan some fun outdoor activities with your partner, travel and just enjoy your time together. You should also try and spice things up in the bedroom, this will help with strengthening your relationship.
Forgiveness is most definitely possible. It’s a choice that you can make and move on with your partner. The important thing is that you should leave the past behind and work towards building a healthy, stable and happy marriage. Don’t despair and lose hope, you have your whole lives ahead of you and you should live it to the fullest with your partner.