“Isn’t it true that all relationships go through hell, but only the real ones get through it?
At some point in life, all relationships, even the strongest ones, face challenges and go through a rough time.
While in the initial years, partners seem to be overwhelmed with each other and can hardly find anything wrong, as the spark fades, the differences show up and, if unresolved, creates stress in the relation.
The love stays but burdened with failed expectations and differences in opinions. Some couples prioritize the small disputes and resolve them before it gets into a serious problem. Others may avoid talking about them which only does the worse.
According to Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT said “A complex practice of gratitude, affirmations and confidence-boosting can lift one’s mood and clear one’s mind-—over weeks of concentrated repetition.”
What can create relationship stress?
There can be indefinite causes that create stress in relationships. It may be:
- A paramount concern regarding partner’s loyalty.
- Self-doubt that leads to thinking “my partner doesn’t like me anymore.”
- Professional hazards creeping its way home and affecting the relationship.
- Too many failed expectations from the partner.
- Losing autonomy and getting dominated by the partner.
- Small arguments over daily matters.
- Dissatisfaction with the partner’s profession and salary.
- Maladjustment with each others’ family.
But can’t we retain the happiness and keep coming closer to each other in the toughest of times? Can’t we take any steps to de-stress our relationships and continue complimenting each other?
Yes, we can and this is how.
Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT said The biggest mistake partners unwittingly make in trying to help is to say things like: “Our life is so good—there’s nothing to be depressed about,” “Just cheer up” or “I know today is going to be a good day, you just watch.”
6 Ways to De-stress Your Relationship
- Talk it out – There cannot be a better solution than talking about the differences in any relationship. Wherever you feel the gap increasing, just have a talk. Getting out together for some time would be a great idea to discuss what is bothering you. Do not wait for the other person to come up first. No matter how petty the matter may be, having a clear discussion can prevent a lot of bad fights in the future.
Expect less – Expectations are always there from the people we love. We expect our partners to love us, care and be there at all times. But having unrealistic expectations from the partner can be really damaging to the relationship. Keep realistic expectations. That could reduce stress at many levels.
- Respect each other – Mutual respect keeps any relations long going. Acknowledge and appreciate your partner whenever needed. It makes the other one feel wanted. Even if you hit into an argument with your partner, talk respectfully. The feeling of getting disrespected can have long lasting effects on the relationship.
- Leave the past in the past- It is very important to have peace with your past. An unsettled past can emotionally damage both the partners hugely and would eventually create distress. Do not let the past haunt you or your partner.
- Admit whenever you are wrong- Never hold yourself from apologizing when you are wrong. Saying sorry doesn’t make us weak. Instead, it can immediately resolve the issue that is causing stress in the partners. It is good to keep shut when you are right and to admit when you are wrong.
- Agree to disagree – No two people can be the same. There will always be differences in opinions. Learn to accept the differences. Never blame or criticize your partner if you cannot agree with him/her. Once we can start accepting the differences in the opinions, no cause would be strong enough to strain the relationship.
Relationship stress is inevitable. We have to accept that at some point or the other, we will undergo stress. But the beauty of relationship lies in accepting each other’s imperfections and choosing to be together even when things go wrong.
So stay real and stay loyal to your partner. The flaws are never bigger than the person.
Here’s a final tip from Mara Hirschfeld, LMFT: “Even though boundaries are critical for practicing compassionate self-care, many of us aren’t very good at setting them. Namely, we say yes when we really want to say no.”